"Status Updates, A Novella" Part 1: Summer 2009

JUNE 2009

Off to Jim and Patty’s Coffee for a-writin’ of some grants. And a-drinkin’ of some coffee. And possibly a-watchin’ of some “Daily Show.”

Cheney ‘fesses up that there was no link between Saddam and 9/11. I have a hard time saying “Oh well, better late than never!” on this one.

Tweet, Facebook or blog for Oregon Ballet Theatre by clicking here: http://ping.fm/4eZPe

Off to a fundraising meeting at church. 100% of all my like eleventy jillion jobs now include shilling for money for nonprofits. I am truly my mother’s daughter.

I believe in OBT. http://ping.fm/O7MQ3

RT@ Oregon Ballet Theatre: Want a customized, printable DANCE UNITED poster for your store, car or bedroom window?…”Baristas for OBT!”…”Bartenders for OBT!”…”Cyclists for OBT!”…”[Your Name] for OBT!”…Contact us at marketing@obt.org

Just said a rosary w/Cat for our friend’s dad. Come on, Catholicism, do your thing.

Dudes. They totally printed my op-ed! http://ping.fm/3BXop

This week has completely reaffirmed my belief in the fundamental generosity of Oregonians. (Well, MOST of them. Some are still mean jerks.)

This week has been like twelve hundred centuries long.

Dear Sophie Okenedo: Despite a stellar performance in “Hotel Rwanda,” I still maintain that your best work ever was in “Ace Ventura 2.”

OHMYGOSHYOUGUYS! “Jesus Christ Superstar” is on Hulu! http://ping.fm/QSXkC

“Do dinosaurs still exist?” No. I’m not that lucky. http://ping.fm/kAobR

OHMYGOSHYOUGUYS 2.0 – Shelly Duvall’s “Faerie Tale Theatre”, AKA the best TV show of my childhood, is all on Netflix Instant Watching. YES!

“The Little Mermaid” with Helen Mirren, Brian Dennehy, and Treat Williams! “Faerie Tale Theatre,” how did I live without you this long?

Drinking an ER-911 from Dutch Brother’s Coffee (you don’t want to know how many shots are in this thing) and slowly waking up from a stupor.

Watching ALS Assoc. video my mom did when she was first diagnosed & barely sick. Didn’t realize how long it was since I’d heard her talk.

Intermission at the ballet. This show is INCREDIBLE. If OBT disappears Portland will lose some seriously spectacular artists!

Spent 3 hours cocktail-ing with my rad ballet co-workers. Really regretting that it took me like a year to start hanging out with them.

WILLETT KIDS ACTIVATE! Form of a . . . loud and obnoxious cheering section at Colin’s high school graduation!

At colin’s graduation. Can’t stop thinking that mom should be here.

Oh man, i always forget how boring commencements are.

Hooray for the super duper zoom on my camera, allowing me to capture dozens of close-ups of colin not paying attention.

Oh good. The commencement speaker is someone who is actually cool.

What? Colin Willett did not win a christian spirit award? Highway robbery!

Snacking on pretzels but they’re so loud i can only eat them under cover of applause. Yay award! CRUNCH CRUNCH.

Wooooo! My baby brother is all graduated! Now we FEAST.

Central Catholic Class of 2009 REPRESENT.

It’s Monday, so I’m at Jim & Patty’s with my laptop, forcing myself to do stuff when all I really want to do is Hulu “The Daily Show.” Sigh.

Day off work (more or less) + spotlessly clean house + yummy lavender-smelling shower + Willett Family Game Night = a good Monday!

No wonder today has been such a good day so far – it’s Kanye’s birthday! That explains it! I knew something magical was happening . . .

Attention all Jim Henson fans – the willetts are making t-shirts that say ‘I’M BRINGING SKEKSI BACK.’ Are you jealous?

Clean house, Family Game Night with the cousins, Season 1 of “Big Bang Theory” on DVD, and THE BEST IDEA FOR A T-SHIRT EVER = a great day!

Why is it always 1 am when I decide to, like, completely reformat my Confirmation info packet? Really, Claire? That could not have waited?

Apparently Storm Large is recession-proof. That show is pouring gold doubloons into the PCS coffers like nothing on earth.

Today’s vital task – fancy titles for staff members tracking fundraising totals. “Thermometer Czar” and “Thermometer Rasputin” are popular.

I don’t know why, but when I have orange juice for breakfast, I always want to take a nap around – what time is it now? – 3:12 p.m.

Check out the Fry-ometer . . . Adrian’s finally wearing pants. http://ping.fm/NAFjR

Okay, tell me again why the government makes you APPLY for funding, instead of just handing out burlap money bags with huge dollar signs?

Okay, seriously? My head is going to explode.

Finally calm (ish) after THE MOST INSANE DAY AT WORK EVER.

Just watched the “Colbert Report” USO special in Iraq. HILARIOUS. YouTube the segment on “don’t ask don’t tell”, you will NOT regret it.

My head feels like there’s gravel rattling around inside it. Yay, 20-people-in-conference-room-for-2-hours-trying-to-finalize-50000-things.

Listening to OBT Radio. My colleagues are smart and interesting and have lovely soothing voices: http://ping.fm/dFn6y

I could say I am not watching “Hitched or Ditched” right now, but that would be a lie from Satan.

“Wonderful Tonight” is such a post-2-a.m. song that it’s weird and disconcerting to hear it in the morning while I’m drinking coffee.

Coffee People alumni – you will be pleased to know that Jim and Patty have brought back the Fabulous Coffee Cooler and it’s as good as ever.

If you really loved me you would buy a ticket to DANCE UNITED. http://ping.fm/qoGUh

A lady sent in a $25 check to OBT with a 2-page letter about how much she loved my editorial and how important the arts are to her. TEARS.

“Starting on Friday, June 12th, at 9:01pm, you’ll be able to choose a username for your Facebook account to easily direct friends, family, and coworkers to your profile.” Really? How is that easier than, you know, USING MY NAME?

Probably not going to make it to All Saints 8th Grade Graduation tonight, but I love my kids and wish them luck!!!!

Sometimes the things i overhear on the bus make me want to put my headphones on and blast Jesus music until i stop feeling unclean. Sigh.

Not for the first time, i am annoyed that you can’t hail a cab in portland.

See you all at DANCE UNITED tomorrow!

Last chance to buy a ticket to “Dance United,” AKA balletopalooza, aka the GREATEST BALLET SHOW SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME. http://www.obt.org, dudes.

A surprise delivery from St. Cupcake for our office makes a 14-hour day just a little bit brighter . . . although, not actually shorter.

T-minus 5.25 hours until DANCE UNITED! If you haven’t bought tickets yet there’s still time, but they’re flying out the door! www.obt.org.

DANCE UNITED was a spectacular, breathtaking success; I love my job, I love our dancers, I love Christopher Stowell more than words can say.

Thank God for Trader Joe’s. Now I have groceries. So I did at least one productive, responsible thing with my day.

This has been one of those days where none of my plans have come to fruition except the one about staying on the couch all day.

Kashi GoLean Crunch + “How I Met Your Mother” on DVD = perfect end to ridiculously lazy day.

Off to see Beth and Amanda in an outdoor Shakespeare performance, then band & Mass. Yay Sundays!

As we speak, Colin is learning how to do his own laundry. Very exciting times around the old Willett homestead.

So are we, collectively, as a people and a nation, totally over those “Top Five Favorite” list things on Facebook? I feel like for awhile that was like all I was doing with my life, and now it seems like I haven’t seen one in weeks . . .

“NEW YORK TIMES: Post-Election Unrest Continues In Iran.” “155 people like this.” Ah, the travails of a one-click “Like” function in a black-and-white world . . .

Working at Jim & Patty’s Coffee. Who wants to come hang out?

OBT breaks the $700K mark after the success of “Dance United.” Thank you, Portland! Go to http://www.obt.org to help us get all the way to $750K!

Claire has a blog! Woot! http://ping.fm/Q1Lvm

New blog post is up! http://ping.fm/wiE5w

New blog post! “The DPC (Dead Parents Club); Or, In Defense Of Gallows Humor” http://ping.fm/MU7iP

Oh man. Over 100 people have now shared in the magic of “Hell Triathlon.” My life finally has meaning! http://ping.fm/PyWCD

My fave retired barista was back at the coffeeshop this morning, making the whole day brighter and sunshiney-er. Yay!

People. Do we need to revisit the “reply-all” function? And how sparingly it should be used?

Oh, coffeeshop down the street from my office. I am 90% sure there is no mocha in this mocha.

Other than my stank-ish coffee, I am having QUITE a good day at work.

“I’m really more of an idea rat.”

I refuse to feel ashamed that “Stacy’s Mom” is in my Top 25 Most Played on iTunes. REFUSE.

I’m not 100% comfortable with how quickly detailed information about the Autobots vs. the Decepticons leaps to the tip of my tongue.

Post-party for christopher’s film festival. His was so the best.

Who has two thumbs and just paid $3 for a cartoon “Ninja Turtles” video? This girl right here!

New blog post! “The Liev Schreiber Incident: Or, Why I’m Not Allowed Around Famous People.” http://ping.fm/4Or4v

Goodnight, world. It has been an EXCELLENT day.

The answer to the question, “Claire, will you be seeing ‘You Only Live Twice’ at the Laurelhurst tomorrow with Colin?” is a resounding YES.

Watching “Independent Lens” special on PBS about “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.” Someone please explain to me why this hasn’t been overturned yet.

“Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius.”

Coffee at Crema with Jon, then James Bond and garage-sale-ing with Colin. I love you, Saturday!

$15 battle axes FTW. The quarterly Colin-and-Claire-Hit-The-Garage-Sale-At-The-Crazy-Crap-House expedition was a rousing success.

Best. Saturday. EVER.

Two new blog posts on things people take WAY too seriously – James Bond and “The Golden Compass.” http://ping.fm/e9eIx and http://ping.fm/FsT1w

Curled up on the couch with a big cuddly sweater and a pile of blankets, reading “In the Woods” by Tana French, and contemplating some tea.

Finished book. SO INCREDIBLY DEPRESSING. Now going to watch “The Office” so I can, like, restore my will to live.

After the drunk phone call I just received, I stand by my decision to stay home and read my book rather than go to the party. That level of hyper fun makes me feel tired and old just LISTENING to it in the background. 🙂

“You may have tangible wealth untold/Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold/Richer than I you can never be/I had a father who read to me.”

I have never in my life been as confident in the awesomeness of a father’s day gift as i am this time.

Dude. Catholics. Today’s first reading is straight-up Shakespearean. “Here shall your proud waves be stilled!” Like, WHOA.

Wow, they’re ALL good today- “Who is this whom even the wind and sea obey?” “The old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.”

10 points, an A+ and a gold star for Father’s Day. KEN WILLETT IS THE COOLEST.

New blog post – 25 cool things about my dad. http://ping.fm/tj3rR

Oh, Sunday nights . . . why must you INSIST on being followed by Monday mornings?

Anyone else think this whole Perez Hilton vs. will.i.am blood feud is like the only celebrity fistfight weirder than the one where “Top Model” crazyhead Bianca beat up that girl from “Hairspray”? Or do you not know what I’m talking about?

Bradley Whitford & Jane Kaczmarek are getting a divorce! This makes me SO sad. (Clearly I pay way too much attention to celebrity gossip.)

In my next life I would like to come back as an incredibly spoiled cat.

Oh, Confirmation 09-10 Parent & Teen Info Packet. You are my Everest.

Formatting the EDGE middle school info packet, watching “Music & Lyrics”, and contemplating a bowl of cereal.

Celebrated Jenny’s first day on the job at Jim & Patty’s Coffee by pestering her while she tried to work. Yay!

One day, far into the distant future, I will be able to check my Facebook news feed without seeing one single reference to “Twilight.” But that day is not today.

LIZ (looking over my shoulder): “Oh, do you choose your own Twitter background or does everyone’s look like that?” ME: “Um, no, not everyone’s Twitter background is the Care Bears.”

Willetts + Ben + Abi + Family Game Night + Pizza = MAGIC. It’s like all the things I love at one time!

Family game night is the best ever.

BED.

Eating lunch and getting ready to listen to the OBT radio show.

Just fell and seriously messed up my knee. Classy. My entire left leg is a sea of “OW!”

Croque Monsieur – $10. Three vodka cocktails – $24. Drunkenly singing Beatles songs in a bar with my boss and coworkers? PRICELESS.

There’s no way to say “I’m reading Kierkegaard for pleasure” without sounding like a giant tool. But “Fear & Trembling” is REALLY good.

My injured knee seized up overnight & now totally will not bend, so I am limping like a peg-legged pirate. Yarrrr.

There is no work happening in my office right now, since all we’re doing is trying to figure out whether or not Michael Jackson is dead.

I want to believe that, despite his many problems, Michael Jackson will be in Heaven as his awesome mid-1980’s self when/if I get there.

Girl talk and yummy sauvignon blanc at Wine Down with my sis and Abi = good times all around!

Farmer’s market, brunch with my ladies, wedding gift shopping, then frantic cleaning and cooking for Cat’s salad-themed party. Yay Saturday!

Lazing on the couch while my sis makes 500 salads for her party, which I have subtitled “CATHERINE WILLETT: All Vegetables, All the Time!”

BESIDE MYSELF with excitement that Nathan is coming to the crazy-theater-kids wedding with me tomorrow. A blast shall be had.

I love you, Cat’s iPod on shuffle. “Only the Good Die Young” is ALWAYS an excellent surprise.

Oh, panzanella. Don’t ever leave me.

“So a nun, a Lutheran pastor and my sister were drinking beer…” Is this A) the opening of a joke or B) a party now underway at my house?

I miss Abi already. BOO. Come back soon, Nashville, the Willetts love you!

Yummy brunch at the Doug Fir. FABS. Now catching up on Perez Hilton and relaxing, then Trisha’s wedding this evening. Fun times!

Theatre geek weddings FTW.

Best line of the day, courtesy of Nathan: “There was like a Gay Men’s Chorus-worth of roosters next door.”

As Rosalind is to Juliet (for Romeo), so Maureen Dowd is to Rachel Maddow (for me).

Magical surprise check for back pay at the new negotiated rate = the only good thing about having to join a union at my last job.

Ow. Brain.

JULY 2009

New blog post! “‘I’ll Just Eyeball It’: Or, Why I’m Not Allowed To Move For At Least 5 Years” http://ping.fm/Qz6yN

Well, hello again, The Surface Of My Desk. It’s been so long, I’d forgotten what you looked like.

The two most popular entries on my blog are the two tagged “Embarrassing Stories.” Thanks, friends. http://ping.fm/68Tvh

If I hear about this new bacon vodka one more time I am going to ralph.

While I’m happy to have Catherine Zeta-Jones back on my TV selling phones, because I’ve missed her, I’m sad she can’t get any real work.

There is exactly ONE August weekend my friends are in town to celebrate my birthday, but there is not an Oregon Coast beach house to be had for love nor money. Well, okay, yes, for money. But we’re poor. Blast you, paying renters of my family’s beach house!

Planning fantasy vacation: February. 2 weeks. Monastery in Assisi by Basilica of St. Clare. Drinking wine, taking pictures & writing. YES.

Just spent 2 sweltering hours circling downtown PDX with a fleet of OBT staff, dancers & fans, to celebrate THANK YOU PORTLAND Day. Yay!

Cold shower. Avocado face mask. Pajamas. Iced tea. Trashy reality TV on Hulu. What are the odds I’ll make it to the ballet fundraiser at 8?

Drinking a Fabulous Coffee Cooler at Jim & Patty’s. Snagged the last open table, which someone had pulled up to an armchair. I’m SO comfy.

Like I need another reason to love Johnny Depp – apparently he frequently dons the Jack Sparrow costume to visit kids in cancer wards. OMG.

Instead of eating dinner i am having raspberry sorbet. I refuse to apologize for this.

Fireworks. OUTSTANDING. Thanks, neighbors, for not making me wait until tomorrow to have loud noises scare the crap out of me!

FINALLY finished all-day photo CD project for youth ministry. Now rewarding myself with all the Huffington Post’s Sarah Palin articles.

Absorbing the delicious air conditioning at my dad’s house. Next stop – making garlic bread, cabbage salad and cookies for tonight’s FEAST.

Salad’s done. Tagged out so Cat can make garlic bread. Now in blissfully cold basement w/Diet Coke & Rachel Maddow, the 2 loves of my life.

Blog fun! “In Defense of Patriotic Sentimentality” http://ping.fm/BIZt6

Today, all across this great nation, we gather to celebrate the greatest event in the history of democracy – the birth of Geraldo Rivera.

Taking a brief break from heat, block party chaos, and children to absorb some air conditioning before firework madness commences.

SO tired. But happy-tired.

Holy crap. Colin turned 18 today.

Prayers for my friend Cyreena and her family, please.

crazy late-night Google IM conversations with former college best friend I haven’t talked to in over 2 years = just a little bit weird . . .

What a weird, weird night.

09-10 Confirmation curriculum packet, when I’m through with you, you’ll be so awesome that the other curriculum packets will cry like girls.

The motto of today (and, actually, of last night) is: “There but for the grace of God go I.”

CRYING with laughter at Evan’s hilarious impression of the freaky late-night IM stalking I received last night from Tylor.

DUDES. You can watch full episodes of “Ace of Cakes” online! Huzzah!

Oh God oh God oh God. Freshman year of college flashbacks.

99% of the time I think it’s good that I’m basically a nice person, but when that 1% hits and I need to be aggressive, I can never do it.

Crisis averted. Go back to your lives, citizens!

The part of me that can’t get enough of trashy reality shows & celebrity gossip is just PLOTZING over this whole Sarah Palin drama.

DUDES. The Chairman on “Iron Chef America” is not really the nephew of The Chairman on “Iron Chef.” I just died a little inside.

My little bro got his tonsils out AND had his deviated septum fixed yesterday. He is one sore, sickly, only-soft-food-eating sad panda. 😦

Today’s the Marketing & Development Staff Retreat. Jon swore we would not be doing trust falls. I’m reserving judgment until we get there.

Poor de-tonsil-ed brother. He no happy. But when he’s weak and sick I can hug him without getting punched in the stomach, so yay for that.

A new script is slowly taking shape in my head, which makes me giddy as a schoolgirl.

“There is a crack in everything/that’s how the light gets in.”

Working on new play. Characters starting to take shape . . . it’s starting to feel real. Everyone has names and faces, at least.

Script is humming along with great zeal. TITLE: “How the Light Gets In.” SETTING: Benedictine monastery. FONT: Garamond.

Writing grant reports at Jim and Patty’s Coffee. Come by and entertain me if you please.

Taking a work break and reading my Godparent Handbook, which seems to labor under the impression that I am seven years old.

Just got an email that I’m past the first step on my RACC grant. What a weird, disorienting experience to write a grant for MYSELF . . .

Tired and gross after an evening of cleaning and moving, since someone’s eventually gonna need to sleep in the Claire’s Piles O’ Crap Room.

I’m totally a closet Benedictine.

Finally finished one complete scene. Now must turn twelve pages of scribbled random words and sentences into the rest of a play. Hmmm.

Sarah Hart’s new CD is seriously rad and I want it. Listening to it online on repeat while I work. LOVES.

New blog post: “Welcome to Kitchen Stadium!” http://ping.fm/9p1pI

Jenny brought a copy of her own CD to work. I’m sure there is a perfectly good reason, but I’m DEFINITELY giving her crap about it all day.

WordPress FAIL. Topic of blog post: how much I hate moving. WordPress-generated “related article”: “Where is Osama Bin Laden?”

TEENS! Special blessing at Mass tonight for everyone going to Steubenville, Higher Calling Camp, and Catholic Heart Work Camp. Plus, particularly good music today, selected by one Ken Willett. BE THERE. 5:30. All Saints. Awesomeness.

Coolest Biblical job: apparently Amos was a “dresser of sycamores,” which is totes my new band name even though I don’t know what it means.

Last week – Mark 6:1-6. This week – Mark 7-13. Typing up Gospel for worship guide & tempted to begin with, “When last we left our hero…”

Had a lovely grown-up dinner – wine and everything! – with the Reifs, one of my fave families on earth, so they can see Cat before she goes.

Sad times . . . I don’t suppose anyone has a beach house that sleeps 5 that my friends and I can rent from August 6 – 9 for my birthday?

Trying out a new go-to-bed-before-2-in-the-morning scheme. Wish me luck!

The piece-by-piece disappearance of my sister’s stuff from our house is way bumming me out, even though she’s not leaving until August.

Workin’ away at Jim and Patty’s. Trying to cut back from espresso to regular coffee . . . this is day 1. So far, no withdrawal symptoms.

Jenny Pixler + Nathan LeRud + Claire Willett = roommate magic.

Everyone should go see the JAW reading at Portland Center Stage at 6, directed by my dear friend Jessica Nikkel, who directed my reading for Fertile Ground and is FAB. I can’t make it, but everyone else should go, because she is rad.

Everyone who is anyone was at the midnight showing of “Harry Potter” at Lloyd Center. Mad props to the Central Catholic kids in costume.

Dear Jesus, thanks for resolving every single thing I’ve been panicking over for the past 6 months, within a 72-hour period. Kisses, Claire

LONGEST. MEETING. EVER.

Praying for my friend Emily, who may lose her mom soon, & my friend Cyreena who just lost her dad – & everyone who misses a parent today.

AWESOME evening with my 2nd family, the Shea/Slauson/Limb/Kerns/Rehbeins; home Mass, fab dinner & a ruthless game of poker w/high schoolers.

The Senate passed the Matthew Shepard Bill, expanding the definition of “hate crime” to cover sexual orientation. In a stunning display of reverse evangelism, the Christian Coalition of America responds that the bill “imperils the free speech rights of Christians.”

Slept in. Had a great workout. Now writing @ Jim & Patty’s. Iced coffee & “Daily Show” on Hulu make even NEA grant reports bearable.

Dinner with Billy tonight! Yay for friends who have known you since you were 6, remember your disastrous 4th grade perm, & love you anyway.

Outdoor wedding-palooza at the Lewis house in Forest Grove: lovely weather, good conversation, scenic views, fab food, LOTS of wine. Happy.

Back from Mass, listening to @sarahhart on spiritandsong.com & working on my new play, which is about monks. Catholic overload!!!

Dear spam: how long wilt thou plague me in penance for clicking on that “Free Offer! ‘Gilmore Girls’ Complete Box Set!” ad 3 years ago?

Oh, poor Plan To Go To Bed Earlier. Better luck next time.

Drinking coffee. Writing a play. The usual.

Geeking out on research for my play. Today’s topics: Leonard Cohen, urban chicken farming, Milton, and The Rule of St. Benedict.

“COLD AT HEART: A True Tale of the Love Between a Girl and the Air Conditioner At Her Dad’s House: The Claire Willett Story.”

I love my brothers.

Brothers + really good pizza + 11points.com + “Torchwood” marathon + learning that Colin is TERRIFIED of The Cryptkeeper = very fun evening.

TOTALLY caught red-handed while doodling in staff meeting. Those stick figure Abraham Lincolns were not meant to see the light of day.

Dear non-soundproofed door to my office: no, it’s cool. I wasn’t doing anything except working on like 500 grant reports. You should DEFINITELY feel free not to block the thundering, stampeding-orc-army-esque drumming sounds from the dance class all the way on the other side of the building.

5 grant reports to finish by next Tuesday + landlord ridiculousness + pounding drums in the dance studio = OH MY GOD MY HEAD IS KILLING ME.

At the ER with Colin. Poor kid.

Home from the ER. My poor baby brother and his 2 weeks of post-op nosebleeds.

If anyone ever finds a magnet shaped like a human cervix, my friend Liz needs one. WE HAVE OUR REASONS.

Heading home. LONGEST. DAY. EVER. But my coworkers are hilarious, which helps.

Man. I need an intervention for my addiction to that show “Intervention.”

Just explained to @robertfeduccia that, in this 21st-century postfeminist era, where we are no longer enslaved by traditional gender roles, it is perfectly acceptable for one straight man to buy another straight man a chocolate truffle.

Sitting in a coffeeshop. They’re playing Indigo Girls. As God intended.

Someone just told me I should become a therapist. Well, I do LOVE telling people what to do . . .

I’m going to see “Every Little Step” (the doc about “A Chorus Line”) at the Hollywood Theatre @ 7:30 if anyone wants to geek out with me.

NEW BLOG POST! (Finally.) http://ping.fm/TwyyW Why Steeleye Span is the best band ever.

Sitting in a coffeeshop. They’re playing the Gin Blossoms. Oh, memories . . .

Off to Jenny and Deborah’s gig. Yay for musician friends!

For serious, I am a Steeleye Span ADDICT this weekend. I just downloaded like $20 worth of songs on iTunes.

Off to band and then Mass. I expect to see all my CHWC kids there at 5:30 to tell me all about this “Dante” character and all the fun I missed in North Carolina.

change sucks.

I’m listening to Steeleye Span’s “All Around My Hat” on repeat and don’t even care who knows it.

Too darn hot.

Take-cold-shower-&-let-wet-hair-induce-cooling-effect-under-ceiling-fan FAIL. Hair still wet, but now hot. I am literally boiling my hair.

There’s a girl on my bus who looks EXACTLY like Rihanna. I really want to compliment her awesome styling but i feel way too white.

Need new stay-cool tactic besides a billion cold showers a day. Shower’s flooding basement and hair doesn’t know what to do with itself.

I’m hot, I’m tired, I’m frustrated, I’m cranky, I’m insanely stressed out, and I miss my mother. Everybody back away, slowly.

Oh, Bag of Frozen Corn. We are going to get to know each other VERY well tonight. Thank you in advance for cooling the back of my neck.

You know what sounds seriously rad right now? That hotel in Norway made out of ice. I want to go to there.

Hey guys! Remember when there was that 2-week snowstorm and no one could fly out for Christmas? Are we to the point where we miss that yet?

At the moment, my dad’s air-conditioned basement – replete with laundry, cold shower and comfy couches – is the happiest place on earth.

Laz-E-Boy reclining couch. “Daily Show” on Hulu. Day off from work & nowhere to be until 4. A/C so cold I had to find a blanket. BLISS.

Okay, Jesus. A bargain. You work a high of 80 in Spokane this weekend, and everyone at the youth conference will be EXTRA PRAYER-Y. Promise!

Escaped flooded basement to shower, do laundry & enjoy A/C at dad’s house. Then pipe overflowed & dad’s basement flooded. Irony, or SMITING?

Okay Portland. I’m peacing out for Spokane. Back on Sunday, all Jesus-ed up. Steubenville Northwest Catholic Youth Conference REPRESENT.

Good morning, world! We are breakfasted and churched and off to the water park with 300 other teens.

We’ve been at the amusement park for 12 hours, which coincidentally is exactly how many years older I now feel.

@thejpix and @ikendolo just rocked the house at the steubenville nw conference. So inspiring. I heart my amazing kids.

AUGUST 2009

Going into adult leader session. Have being asked to use brain this early, even with coffee.

2 main themes of discussion in adult leader session: 1- ‘it’s too hot in here’, and 2- resisting demonic attacks.

My teens are killing time by playing volleyball with a plastic cup. Because apparently they were all raised by wolves.

Home from Steubenville NW, happy & exhausted. Hello to my sister, a real bed with sheets, 83 new emails, and my new roommate Jenny Pixler!

ATTENTION MIDDLE SCHOOLERS! Proper grammar and punctuation must be used at all times on this Facebook Wall. –The Management

As the dew unto the parched soil, so too is the Kimberly Sayer Ultra-Light Moisturizer SPF 25 unto my face after 5 days of heat in Spokane.

Crowdsourcing new play & want to know what my non-Catholics like/dislike/think/wonder about Catholic monks. (Catholics can weigh in too.)

Dudes, I really think there needs to be a Lollapalooza “Guitar Hero.”

3 basement floods at 2 houses in the last 2 weeks = Claire is clearly under some kind of a hex.

Crashing at Dad’s house to escape a nightmarishly horrible basement flood and wash/bleach/disinfect my be-flooded laundry before it dies.

Only 24 hours until I get to spend the weekend being a lazy slug at the beach. HUZZAH! Vacation cannot come soon enough.

YESTERDAY, IN 5 WORDS OR LESS: Budgets, raw sewage and stress – oh my! The 3rd will never go away but at least the first 2 are fixed.

Off to spend evening viewing “High School Musical 3” w/ sis & a 7-year-old. Didn’t see 2, but almost positive we’ll be able to follow plot.

Tomorrow’s most vital task? Crossing “EPIC FAMILY CROQUET TOURNAMENT” off my sister’s To-Do-In-PDX-Before-Moving-To-Chicago-on-Monday list.

Swimsuit? Check. Vodka? Check. Homemade board game? Check. Beach Trip 09, you are my one true love.

Back from the beach. SO EXHAUSTED. Now at church, prepping for Mass.

Come to 5:30 Mass at All Saints if you want to say goodbye to Cat before she leaves for Chicago tomorrow!

“All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another.”

The Willett siblings are making tea and playing Alfred Hitchcock Clue. Whatever you’re doing is exactly 25% this much fun.

Waaahhh!!! Cat’s last day in town! Sad face.

My sis is off to Chicago! Anyone know if there’s like a patron saint to invoke for speedy and uneventful train trips?

It’s that time again, everyone! ALS Walk 2009 is nearly here! Click here to join Team Theresa or make a gift: http://ping.fm/OolgY

If this is not the most emotional, stressful day I have experienced in recent memory, I will eat my hat.

DIRECT QUOTE FROM ROOMMATE: Recently, and I don’t know HOW this happened, I have become motivated to change the way I write my 2’s and 4’s.

Planning an all-day Hitchcock film festival for my birthday. Busily inventing cocktail recipes and food menu as we speak.

Yummy dinner with the roomie + birthday party planning + “13 Going On 30” = feeling somewhat better about life than I was yesterday.

FYI – Too much “Iron Chef America” before bed leads to weird dreams that Bobby Flay is creepily hitting on you in a hospital waiting area.

Urgent work break – Erik thinks he’s shrinking and made us dig out a ruler and measure him against the wall to confirm that he’s still 5’10.

If you are my friend on Facebook, and you live in Portland, and you like Alfred Hitchcock, and you are free September 12th, you are constitutionally obligated to attend “A VERY HITCHCOCK BIRTHDAY!” – an all-day Hitchcock film festival with cocktails and cupcakes in my backyard. Mark your calendars, friends. This promises to be even better than my 25th birthday where we all went to see “Snakes on a Plane.”

DUDES. The OLCC has an ONLINE LIQUOR SEARCH! You can see what stores carry what you’re looking for, and exactly how many bottles they have.

I need to stop taking it personally when people un-friend me on Facebook.

New blog post! Dispelling the myth that I might be, you know, relatively sane. http://ping.fm/45pMb

OH in my office: “Oh, I’m heading over sometime between, like, now and later.” (Courtesy of one Steven Houser.)

Sent my newly-Chicago-dwelling sis a box of organic veggies via Peapod.com. Rainbow chard has never made anyone so happy.

Everyone who is anyone will be at Washington Park tonight 6-8 to see my Oregon Ballet Theatre peeps dance with the Portland Cello Project.

RAD outdoor concert tonight with Oregon Ballet Theatre & Portland Cello Project. World premiere ballet + cellos rocking “Take On Me” = YES.

Today is “Finally Move All The Rest Of the Furniture, Put Books On Shelves, And Turn The Living Room/Dining Room/Den Into Usable Rooms” Day.

Exhausted and sore, and still feeling dusty after a long cold shower – but the house looks MUCH better. We hauled a TON of boxes today.

Taking a work break to enjoy emailsfromcrazypeople.com (which is exactly what it sounds like and exactly as awesome as you think).

Data entry makes me want to slowly rip off my own face.

Dear Self: No more “Batman” after one in the morning. Warm Regards, Your Brain’s Anti-Nightmare Task Force.

Spent whole day sequestered in church office with two lunatic boy-crazy 8th-grade girls doing a giant mass mailing. Oh, Claire’s life . . .

My kingdom for a hammock.

Adding “Work for ‘Sesame Street'” to my list of Dream Careers.

Crowdsourcing new play: what’s your favorite quotation and/or Scripture passage on 1) anger, 2) redemption, or 3) families?

Direct quote from my brother, in regards to my birthday wish list which includes a pink iPod and a pink Dell laptop: “I vow to never get, through my monetary assistance make it easier for you to get, or through my inaction make it anything less than a total nightmare for you to get, any electronic device that is pink.”

Third roomie moved some stuff in today. Welcome to the Willett/Pixler House, Mr. Nathan LeRud.

The Willett-family-road-trip-to-take-baby-brother-to-college-for-the-very-first-time train is shortly leaving the station. Montana or bust!

In Idaho. Chris is now DJ. Lots of Bowie. Also ‘My Sharona,’ which i love unapologetically.

Wallace, ID. Think we just passed an oil derrick-themed playground.

Best road sign ever- WATCH FOR ROCK. Like, there’s just one but it’s REALLY mean.

No reception in Idaho. There are like all going to post at the same time when we hit civilization.

Entering Montana! DJ Christopher celebrates with ‘Turning Japanese.’

Chris is DJing ‘Stuck In the Middle With You’. I officially dub this family road trip ‘CLOWNS TO THE LEFT OF ME.’

Why yes, I DO still know all the words to ‘We Didn’t Start The Fire’.

We’re in Missoula!

One mile to helena! Wahoo!

Crap. That was one mile to the Helena EXIT. Still like an hour in the car.

In a million years I will never NOT be delighted by commercials for cash4gold.com.

Hanging out in our hotel, watching “Futurama” and being lazy. The perfect end to a . . . day of sitting.

Colin is wearing a towel on his head and looks like an elderly British judge.

Oh, I love you, hotel with WiFi . . .

Off to find breakfast & then move Colin into his dorm. Prayers that his roommate isn’t, like, a deeply introverted, chaos-hating only child.

Awesome Helena business names: The Gazebo Depot, Giggle Box Day Care, Tiger Express, Tons of Fun.

In campus bookstore with chris playing Find the Most Expensive Book. One to beat is Basic Accounting at 202 bucks.

Off to lunch and then Target to get this kid some dorm stuff. Not a single decor item in the whole room! SUCH a boy!

Abandoned dorm shopping plan in favor of napping at hotel. OH YEAH.

Hanging in the hotel room with Chris, watching a “Project Runway” marathon and waiting for Colin to get back from orientation dinner. Fun!

Colin is spending his first night in the dorms so he’s really a college student now! Crazy! August 20, 2009 at 9:33pm

Oh, also, everyone here thinks I’m his mother. EVEN THOUGH I’M 28. But whatever.

At the Freshman induction ceremony. Drove in with colin’s roomie’s parents who lost their car keys. I’m so glad they’re nice.

They are making the freshmen process in to the theme from Masterpiece Theatre and they all have to high-five the mascot dog.

I think the president of the school just called the senior vice president a noob in his keynote address.

Why does absolutely every college fight song sound exactly the same?

OH MY GOD WHY DOES EVERYONE HERE THINK I AM THE MOTHER OF A COLLEGE STUDENT???

Chris to dad of colin’s roommate: ‘so, do you have any concept of hipsters?’

Headed back to dorm with the entire contents of a Target in our trunk.

Because he is his father’s son, by far the most time-consuming part of moving Colin is dealing with computer stuff.

So apparently Montana doesn’t like my phone. When i call my voicemail it thinks i want to leave myself messages. Which i rarely do.

Q. How many guys does it take to set up Colin’s computer? A. I have no idea because I am so bored that I am barely alive.

Off to family goodbye dinner. Happy and sad . . . I’m gonna miss my baby bro.

Colin is on the computer and ignoring us. Clearly he officially lives here.

I’m sad . . . we said goodbye to Colin and are leaving him to his exciting college adventures, but I totally miss him already.

Trinny and Susannah have a new show on TLC. I am SO GLAD to have them back in my life.

OMG!!!! Just turned on Food Network to see my fave sandwich joint on “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives”! Yay for Bunk and Chef Tommy!

Off to Starbucks and then out on the road. Goodbye Montana, you deeply underappreciated state.

Just crossed the continental divide. Made a joke about watersheds but the boys didn’t laugh. Sometimes I just can’t win.

Eating lunch in Coeur d’Alene, which looks so much like Walla Walla that I was momentarily disoriented when I woke up from my nap.

I think I’m becoming a nap addict. All I’ve done the past like 7 hours in the car is sleep.

Just stopped off in The Dalles to see my grandparents. Still as hilarious as ever to watch them bicker, but I hate how rarely i see them.

Tonight’s best line, courtesy of Nathan: “Jenny, there are only two princesses in this house and you’re not one of them.” I love my roomies.

Following Lauren Bacall on Twitter may be the best decision I have ever made.

It’s my birthday! I’m 28! That’s perilously close to 30 but I’m trying not to think about that too much!

Sometimes when your roommate is a barista, when you go get your morning coffee she makes everyone in line sing Happy Birthday to you.

Thanks for the birthday love! You are all delightful human beings.

Why hello from my new pink birthday computer!

Happy first day of school to my big sis and my little bro!

Out-of-nowhere, direct quote from my roommate: “I LOVE the way black people talk.”

Sorry, pink laptop. Nathan wins Best Birthday Present with the giant framed portrait of Saint Thomas More. I almost PASSED OUT from joy.

After going through and cleaning out like 700 Facebook requests for various things, my new least favorite phrase is, “It’s SCARILY accurate!”

I hate when medical issues (I’m looking at you, left kneecap) get to the point where I can no longer talk myself out of going to the doctor.

In bed. With a hot pack on my knee. Like an old man.

Jenny hurt her feet. I hurt my knee. Nathan is the only person in this house who can walk. I predict a lot of fetching in his future.

Oh no! Senator Kennedy died, you guys!

Knee. Pain. Bed. Sleep.

Anyone have a thought as to the meaning of the command in my Word 2007 Options Menu that’s called “Asian Layout”?

There is literally no position I can sit in where my knee doesn’t hurt. I have literally busted a cap. (That’s what that means, right?)

Oh God. You guys, I think I kind of like that one Taylor Swift song. On a scale of One to Tween, how bad is that?

ME: “Is it too early to start getting excited for Christmas?” JENNY: “Yes.”

“Love will hold us together/Make us a shelter to weather the storm/And I’ll be my brother’s keeper/So the whole world will know that we’re not alone.”

What the heck, Facebook? Don’t tell me my sister’s profile is not available. I have like fifteen comments to respond to.

This will only be noteworthy to you if you were a Whitman theatre major, but Nathan and I just spent like an hour re-reading 4 years’ worth of old copies of “ENCORE” Magazine that my mother made me save. It was EPIC.

I really want to title my next play “[REDACTED]”. I don’t know what it’s going to be about, I just think that would be an awesome title.

I don’t make a very good invalid. Far too cranky, curmudgeonly, complainey and ungracious. Or, wait. Maybe that makes me a GREAT invalid.

Someone, please tell me how to feel about “The Wreck of the ‘Edmund Fitzgerald.'”

“And though these are days of great trial/ of famine and darkness and sword/ still we are the voice in the desert crying/ Prepare ye the way of the Lord!”

I am now starting a blog called “The Jenny and Julie and Julia Project” in which I document all instances of Jenny’s Julia Child impression.

I think the definition of “cart before the horse” is “selecting the curtain call music for a play you have only 3/4-finished writing.”

Drinking wine and writing.

Watching Julia Child make a cheese souffle. A) I think I might be her for Halloween, and B) I totally want her life.

Off to Fall.Art.Live. at OBT. You should come down. Free + Art + Food + Beer = the perfect Saturday.

Clean & decorated office/den + art on walls + Jesus wall done + fresh blueberry compote = Claire and Jenny are domestic goddesses.

Heading out for an enormous coffee prior to a LONG day of cleaning and redecorating the youth room with Monica. Youth ministry needs a maid.

“All good giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights . . .”

Today’s readings are ALL great: “You disregard God’s commandment but cling to human tradition.” Lucky no one does that anymore! Oh wait.

YOU MIGHT BE A YOUTH MINISTER IF . . . there are 20 pairs of ski goggles in your office bathroom & 10 bags of water balloons on your desk.

SEPTEMBER 2009

Just finished reading Julia Child’s “My Life In France.” May I please have her life?

um, why is Gmail not working? I don’t have time for your “server errors”, people.

I don’t want to jinx this by speaking too soon . . . but I think Gmail is back.

Gmail’s back! Hello gorgeous, I’ve missed you!

All Saints high schoolers: who wants to come in Thursday night and help me and Monica get the youth room all fabulous? I know all of you do.

High schoolers – message or e-mail me if you want to do Confirmation this year. You totally should. I’m fun, I promise.

Just got back from the goodbye party for my awesome cousin Grace, who is departing for college. Sniff . . . they grow up so fast . . .

I want a bionic knee. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous.

Glad the school year’s about to start up again. I’ve missed my kids!

Jenny’s mellow evening music just abruptly segued into “Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” which is very much like the Spanish Inquisition, in that I did not expect it.

New blog post. Let’s discuss how totally weird “Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds” is. http://ping.fm/PGM52

No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick.

New blog post! Full text of a SPECTACULAR piece of spam about comets and the return of Jesus that I got in my work inbox. http://ping.fm/mAbll

I’m doing that thing where you order new clothes online and you’re all excited ’cause you have to wait for them and then when they arrive in the mail you want to wear them immediately so you assemble an outfit from the contents of the shipping box and you’re all excited ’cause you’re wearing new clothes, and then two hours later you’re like, “These items were not meant to be worn together,” but then it’s too late.

My boss brought us frozen yogurt. That’s how you know it’s the Friday of a holiday weekend.

“Greater things have yet to come/ and greater things are still to be done/ in this city.”

Just downloaded Mark Knopfler’s CD “Golden Heart” from iTunes, which means getting the soundtrack of my senior year of high school back.

SCHEDULE FOR TODAY: a) get hair cut and colored, b) put on pretty new dress, c) go with Christopher to our cousin’s wedding. Good day.

Yay! Off to my cousin’s wedding! Happy thoughts for Megan and James, everybody!

Got to see two of my fave people on earth get married to each other. Chris and I ably represented Team Willett at the wedding & reception.

I dig Isaiah. People should really use the word “vindication” more often. Also, “leap like a stag.”

Can anyone who is NOT a Willett name this tune? “Once upon a time there were cannibals/ now there are no cannibals anymore.”

Play is like 10 pages from done – 1st draft might be done tonight. Sweet Tea Vodka I saved for special occasion, PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM!

Today I plan to honor the organized labor movement, and all the advances they made for the American worker, by laying around all day doing absolutely nothing. You’re welcome, America.

Nathan is reading me terrible internet poems about 10-ton wheels of cheese. Seriously.

How long do you have to wait after your roommate’s 5:10 flight gets in before you start to worry that she’s been kidnapped because she’s not home yet? THINGS TO CONSIDER: her phone is not so much with her as it is on the dining room table; and she said she was getting a ride from someone but did not tell you who. So, if you know where my Jenny is, can you return her? Thanks.

Reason #156 why I love my roommates: we just introduced Jenny to Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “Cinderella”, AKA my childhood, via YouTube.

Sometimes I forget that my job title is “Grant Writer,” not “Grant Copy-and-Paste-From-Other-Documents-er,” and get cranky when I’m expected to actually WRITE something. From SCRATCH. Using my BRAIN. Sigh. Life is SOOOOO hard.

Erik just described my hair color as “aubergine.” Oh, those arts organization employees and their ten-dollar words.

Just realized that my old nemesis the Shubert Foundation grant is due in slightly over a month. SHOOT ME NOW.

Nothing makes me happier to be a wage-earning adult than seeing 5,000 Facebook updates from my kids lamenting the first day of school.

No one should be frozen in carbonite or slowly digested over a thousand years in the bowels of a Sarlaac just because they couldn’t pay Jabba the Hutt what they owe him. If you agree, post this as your status for the rest of the day.

Band practice on a WEDNESDAY? My entire LIFE is structured around band on THURSDAY. Up is down, down is up, I don’t know who I am anymore.

Okay, beloveds. Mark your calendars for January 25 – 29th (time & location TBD) for the WORLD PREMIERE of “How The Light Gets In,” by one Claire Willett, brought to you by the Second Annual Fertile Ground New Play Festival. Seriously. Put it on your calendar now. Or I’ll cry. CRY I SAY.

I’m beginning to think there’s no limit to how many times I can listen to Leonard Cohen sing “Tower of Song” without getting tired of it.

“Qui sedes ad dexteram patris” from Vivaldi’s “Gloria” is blasting in the dance studios and giving me PTSD flashbacks of high school choir.

I think i might be eavesdropping on the world’s worst blind date. It’s SPECTACULAR.

Running birthday party errands all morning. The house is clean. Go go gadget PRODUCTIVE DAY.

Oh parties. Why do you never run on schedule? Just now arriving at dinner, only an hour after our reservation.

you to all the many people who made my Hitchcock birthday party yesterday a glorious twelve-hour feast of awesomeness. It was A-MAZING. Loves!

DUDE. My friend Bill, who has been one of my best friends since we were six, is gonna be a dad, and I am BESIDE MYSELF with excitement. I’m totally gonna be an auntie, you guys.

Youth ministry to-do lists are so weird. I am freezing boxer shorts while the kids fill water balloons and Lori goes to buy baby shampoo.

SO EXHAUSTED. Every year, after I survive the 8-hour blitz of chaos that is the All Saints Parish Picnic, I feel like I deserve a medal.

My Facebook news feed is divided almost exactly 50/50 between “Screw you, Kanye!” and “Kanye is the MAN.”

Trying to muster up the strength to go down and clean the disastrously messy kitchen.

You guys, when you tell me my profile picture gives you nightmares, you KNOW it’s just going to make me want to keep it all the more. Who doesn’t love a vengeful ostrich?

Even when I know I have money, I always imagine that ATMs are speaking to me disapprovingly in the voice of my mother. “Do you want a receipt?” “No.” “Are you sure? How will you track your expenses?” I’m only taking out $40!” “Yes, but that $40 adds up. Do you want to check your account balance?” “No.” “REALLY? You don’t? Hmmm.”

All Saints kids – tonight is the all youth ministry parent meeting at 7 in the parish hall. If you want to do Edge, Life Teen, Confirmation or Mass Ministry teams, send your mom or dad tonight to get your paperwork and register you.

My sister just got a faux-hawk. It’s like I’ve taught her NOTHING.

Oh goody. It’s auditors-all-over-the-office-making-us-dig-through-files-to-give-them-paperwork day.

Oh good. It’s raining. And I’m wearing flip flops and a cotton dress. That’s just the kind of day it’s been.

Sometimes the best thing you can say about today is it’s not as bad as you know tomorrow’s gonna be. This is one of those days.

Just realized that, out of all my various past status message options on Gmail, like 3/4ths of them are lines from Walt Disney’s “Robin Hood.” Just switched from “Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly what a day” to “Who’s driving this flying umbrella?”

Prayers please. This is not shaping up to be an awesome day.

“When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Citron Vodka: THE CLAIRE WILLETT STORY.”

Dear bedroom light fixture: your crazed on/off blinking makes me feel a little bit like the Ghost of Christmas Past is about to burst in.

Yay coffee with Mike! Boo Mike moving to California tomorrow. Yay sunshine! Boo working on Shubert grant. I don’t know how to feel today.

About to go watch my little bro graduate from film school. With the highest GPA in school history. Willetts pretty much rule.

The mocha i’m drinking has about one shot of espresso for every hour of this youth ministry training i’m in all day.

Man. Youth ministers LOVE their coffee.

I love when Monica translates things into Claire: ‘The Huskies just beat USC!’ SILENCE. ‘for you that’s like Britney beat out Meryl Streep for an Oscar.’

Spent all day at a youth ministry training. To all my kids: if I don’t tell you often enough that I love you, I TOTALLY, TOTALLY DO.

There is just nothing I love more on this planet than getting a bunch of hilarious small children insanely hyper and wound up and giggly, and then sending them home with their parents. I suspect it’s a good deal less fun for the parents. (Enjoy that car ride home, Feduccias.)

High schoolers – Life Teen kicks off tomorrow after youth Mass with THE LIFE TEEN OLYMPICS! Email/message/text Monica with your pizza requests!

High schoolers – T-minus 3.5 hours until the LIFE TEEN OLYMPICS! Come join us for the kickoff of a great year with your two favorite things – pizza, and ruthless competition.

Just learned that the archeopteryx, my #1 childhood fear, was actually like the size of a pigeon and one of the wussiest dinosaurs ever. In my head I always pictured them screeching down from the sky with talons that could carry off a small child. But apparently if they lived now I could destroy them with a pebble and a slingshot. I’m not going to lie, I feel like 300% mightier than I did before I learned this.

Happy 75th Birthday to Leonard Cohen, the crazy, fedora-wearing, raspy-voiced, Jewish/Buddhist love of my life.

Oh, “How I Met Your Mother” season premiere. YOU DO NOT DISAPPOINT.

Dude! Life Teen peeps – the new Matt Maher is on iTunes. I’m downloading it right this second.

“BIG BANG THEORY”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Today: you are dead to me.

Teens who want to do Confirmation but missed tonight’s info meeting – email me ASAP and I’ll send you the info. First session is October 4 so you’ll need your paperwork by then. Monica and I are crazy excited for this awesome year!

Oh, “Firefly.” You make literally all the problems in my life completely disappear.

You guys, I really want a fedora. Is that totally 1998?

Dear “Glee”: You are the best show ever. Kisses, Claire.

“Bad Bad Leroy Brown” makes every day 500 times better.

How did I just lose my last two hours’ worth of work on the Shubert grant??? Arghhhhhh!

Dear Today: Oh, it’s gonna be like that, is it?

Just saw Terin’s ultrasound pic. I’m going to be the auntie of an adorable gray blob! No name picked yet, but I’m lobbying for Archibald.

In Episode #456 of “Really? Just Me? SERIOUSLY?”, Claire wants to know how many other Winnie-the-Pooh fans out there hear the phrase “nobody knows” and mentally inject the phrase “tiddly-pom” after it. Really? Just me? SERIOUSLY?

Powells. Cake Wrecks Book Signing. 7:30 p.m. BE THERE.

Sweet buttercream frosting, the “Cake Wrecks” book signing tonight was SO AWESOME. There was even CAKE!

The audiobook of Haven Kimmel reading “A Girl Named Zippy” may be the best ten dollars I’ve spent all year. So, so funny.

Today’s project: dry run of our team’s route for the Life Teen “Amazing Race”. Map? Check. Timer? Check. Coffee? CHECK.

Helping Jason girl up his living room for the realtor’s open house. My flower-arranging skills are finally helping someone.

And now i’m repotting plants. In a dress. Only for you, jason kidd.

Spent an awesome and hilarious morning/afternoon with Jason Kidd, discussing life and theology while doing the following things: driving around Portland, eating baked goods, arranging flowers, filling bowls with decorative gourds and squash, digging through potting soil, and driving some more. I love having Catholic friends, and I love that Jason is slowly morphing into a Portlander. 🙂

LIFE TEEN TOMORROW! Come for the 5:30 Mass and bring as much canned food as your little arms can carry, so we can DESTROY those middle schoolers in the “Give It Away Now” canned food drive competition. Plus Life Night after Mass. Plus, if you want to do Confirmation and missed the meeting, come to Life Night and I’ll give you all your paperwork then.

Watching “Little Dorrit” with Nathan. Dickens is growing on me. Maybe it’s a matter of not being a high schooler who’s forced to read it.

ALL SAINTS CONFIRMATION! If you want to sign up but you missed the meeting, come to the Life Night tomorrow from 6:30 – 8:30 and I’ll go over everything, answer questions from teens and parents, and send you home with all your paperwork.

ALS Walk – 7-year-old neighbor kid’s art show in his backyard – band – :30 Mass at All Saints – Life Night. Okay. I’m gonna need coffee.

LIFE NIGHT TONIGHT – yes, we will be playing Sardines. Try to contain yourselves.

FROM TODAY’S GOSPEL: “At that time John said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, we saw someone driving out demons in your name, and we tried to prevent him because he does not follow us.’ Jesus replied, ‘Do not prevent him . . . whoever is not against us is for us.'” I think I’m gonna try this “whoever is not against us is for us” thing and see how long I can sustain it without getting all judgey.

When your brain is so tired that it hurts to form words, it’s time for bed.

So, I WAS gonna go to bed. Then I discovered that “SuperNanny” is on Hulu. Sooooooo . . .

Happy.

Shubert Foundation grant, you are so close to done I can practically taste it.

Reason #256 why telecommuting trumps office: Not having to defend to anyone why you’re watching “Supernanny” or “Top Model” while you work.

And suddenly, without warning, the only thing I could think of was reconstructing the plot of “Fievel Goes West.” My brain does not care about the Shubert grant I’m vainly staring at and has decided that, for the moment, this will be what we’re working on.

HIGH SCHOOLERS: The Portland Life Teen “Amazing gRace” is happening on October 11th and it’s gonna be EPIC and we are soooooo excited. Permission slips and info will be available at Life Teen Mass and Confirmation this Sunday. DO. NOT. MISS IT. It’s exactly like that TV show “The Amazing Race,” except in Portland, and starring you.

HIGH SCHOOLERS Part II: If you want to do Confirmation at All Saints, but didn’t make it to Life Teen on Sunday or the info meeting last week, IT IS STILL NOT TOO LATE! Our first session is this Sunday, Oct. 4, from 3:30 – 8:30 (dinner and Mass are included). If you’re not registered yet, come at 3 and we’ll go over everything with you.

Currently listening to Ike Ndolo Band’s new CD on spiritandsong.com and CANNOT WAIT to buy it with real cash money so I can listen to it all the time.

Proofreading. YOU’RE WELCOME, Cat Willett!!!

Okay. If – hypothetically – I was considering writing a collection of essays about my mother – AND I’M NOT SAYING THAT I AM – but IF I WAS – and if, again hypothetically, I wanted to crowdsource potential titles – who has a good idea they want to share with the class? Again – HYPOTHETICALLY.

work, frazzled and cranky. Wishing I was at home, snuggled under the covers reading Jeeves & Wooster. Life, you are a cruel mistress.

3 thoughts on “"Status Updates, A Novella" Part 1: Summer 2009

  1. if you do the “status statistics” application you can get a list of them a month at a time as a text file. I just edited a little. But it went pretty quick.

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