ANNOYING BUS PEOPLE: A Play In One Act

SETTING: The #72-Killingsworth Bus to NE 82nd

CHARACTERS: Teen Mom Holding Toddler On Her Lap, Claire, Male Passenger, Female Passenger, Teen Mom’s Teen Mom Friend

(Lights up on the bus, which is packed to the rafters.  TEEN MOM is seated in the front of the bus, holding her toddler on her lap.  Her FRIEND is seated across the aisle from her, with a giant stroller in front of her, blocking several empty seats.  She is talking loudly on her cell phone.  The bus stops to pick up a crowd of new passengers; CLAIRE, MALE PASSENGER and FEMALE PASSENGER are pushed back and end up standing in the aisle, facing inward, directly in front of where TEEN MOM is seated)

TEEN MOM: Can y’all turn around?

CLAIRE: I’m sorry?

TEEN MOM: (Indicating her toddler)  Turn around so y’all’s butts don’t be in her face.

CLAIRE: Um, what?

TEEN MOM: (Silence) (CLAIRE & PASSENGERS share an exasperated look, but awkwardly reorient themselves to face towards the window.  MALE PASSENGER almost loses his balance and falls into FEMALE PASSENGER.  There is a short pause)

TEEN MOM: (To MALE PASSENGER) Can you get my phone?

MALE PASSENGER: I’m sorry, are you – was that to me?

TEEN MOM: My friend has my phone.  Can you get her to hand it to me?

MALE PASSENGER: Uh . . . oooookay . . . (He awkwardly gestures to FRIEND, who is still on the phone, and mimes picking up a telephone.  FRIEND passes TEEN MOM’s cell phone to him without once even pausing for breath in her lengthy conversation.  MALE PASSENGER hands TEEN MOM her phone.  She does not thank him.  She dials her phone)

TEEN MOM: Heyyyyyyy girrrrrrl!  (Commences loud giggly conversation.  A few minutes later, FEMALE PASSENGER turns to her)

FEMALE PASSENGER: (Politely) Excuse me, can you please ring the bell for me?  I can’t reach.

TEEN MOM: (Heaving a melodramatic sigh) Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOD, FINE.  (She rings the bell, huffily.  FEMALE PASSENGER exits.  To her friend on the phone) So rude!  Like, ring it YOURSELF!

CLAIRE & MALE PASSENGER: (Explode from irony)

BLACKOUT.  END OF PLAY.

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